What does it take to push someone over the edge? My StepDad came to a point in his life where he couldn’t continue any longer.
He got cancer, had massive surgery, and it got botched. This caused him endless pain, made it difficult to eat and all kinds of other issues for the last few years.
Before the cancer, he was terrible to my Mom and after years of trying to get her to leave him, she did and moved in with my family.
3 days ago, it would have been my Mom and StepDad’s anniversary and he was sad enough on this day to kill himself.
I found out yesterday, right after I got to Atlanta to resume working on the StomperNet launch…
I find myself sad, yet unable to mourn him. After the journey I’ve been through myself, I find it hard to understand how any man, let alone a father, could do something like this.
I had a long conversation with God and my StepDad last night. Obviously, it was a one sided conversation. I asked my Dad how he could do this to his kids. I asked God what was going to happen to my Dad. I would love to get some answers. I don’t think I ever will.
I’ve discovered that weakness isn’t something I have a lot of patience for. I fight for everything and could have given up at any point in time. Those of you that have met me know that you can’t even tell that I’m disabled or have any medical issues. That’s because I won’t allow myself to wallow in the past. I have to continue down this journey for my family and my customers. If I stopped now, I would leave a lot of people without the benefit of what I know.
My Dad was alone. My youngest sister, his only child, just moved back to Wisconsin from my house and I’ll never figure out how he could do this with her a few hours away from where he was living. There are so many questions…
I’ve realized that you have to fight. Giving up is not an option!!!
My Dad gave up and now he’s gone.
Ross
dad stompernet suicide
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23 responses so far ↓
1 Gina Gray // Sep 16, 2009 at 8:08 am
Dude, OMG I am so sorry for your loss. however like usual you turned it into a postive. Also if people read this “Giving up is not an option!!!” everyday it still wouldn’t be enough!.
My prayers are with you and your family.
Gina
2 Matthew Bredel // Sep 16, 2009 at 8:12 am
Very sorry about your loss, Ross. Even since we first met at a few StomperLive’s ago, I always knew that internal strength is one of your most powerful assets and a major reason for the successes you have had in life. Sending lots of good thoughts to you and your family…
3 Simon Leung // Sep 16, 2009 at 8:26 am
My condolences bro…
Lemme know if there’s anything I can do…
4 Carlos Aloma // Sep 16, 2009 at 8:42 am
Ross,
Sorry to hear about it. My condolences to you. Stay strong for yourself and yours!
5 Lisa Brown // Sep 16, 2009 at 8:49 am
Ross, I am so sorry. (there really aren’t words)
6 John Cussons // Sep 16, 2009 at 9:03 am
Ross
I am truly sorry for your loss…
I can totally understand your frustration and inability to comprehend this tragic event.
Fortunately for me I ‘Survived’ several attempts at ending my life…best thing I ever ‘Failed’ at!
You are absolutely right that “Giving up is not an option!!!”
I have been where your Step Dad was when he crossed the line…I am crying now as I write this Ross, as I remember the pain and utter loss of reality, thinking that ‘death’ was the solution.
That ‘Place’ is really dark, and I am so grateful that I have moved on and have no intentions of leaving this great world by my own hand.
He is without the pain now, sad that didn’t stick around for the good stuff that keeps the rest of us here.
I urge anyone having suicidal ideation, or who is contemplating their own demise to reach out! I got help by default…police and psychiatric intervention…and look back now in awe that my mind took me that far down so many years ago. Be proactive and ASK FOR HELP!
Had I not received the assistance and new lifeline, I would not have had the pleasure of meeting you on several occasions Ross.
I am glad to be alive, glad you are alive, and if takes a fight to stay here, then get in the ring, everyone wins there.
Be Awesome!
John Cussons
7 Nicole Dean // Sep 16, 2009 at 10:51 am
I’m sorry, Ross.
When someone commits suicide, it brings a large range of feelings, mostly anger, obviously. It’s important to feel it, as you know, if you wish to get past it.
I’m so very sorry that you are your family are going through this. Thank you, though, for sharing your story about something that is so often swept under the rug.
8 Ross Goldberg // Sep 16, 2009 at 10:56 am
Thanks for your kind words and concern. I’ve been through worse than this before. My poor wife is taking care of the kids in Florida while I’m in Atlanta for Stomper stuff. It seems these things happen at the worst times…
9 Roy Randolph // Sep 16, 2009 at 10:58 am
Ross, the first time I meet you, along with my wife, was at SNL8 (Not sure if you remember as it was brief.), I could tell, feel it inside you are a awesome guy.
What I am doing right now, the only thing I know to do is pray for you.
You said “I would love to get some answers. I don’t think I ever will.”
Well the answer to why your stepfather did this, I am not sure, when people take their lives its one of the most selfish things one can do, they do not think of those of use it will hurt.
I do know God will let us get past this hurt with his help, it isnt easy, as my wife just lost her mother unexpectedly on Labor Day. The last time she saw her alive was when we drove through Mississippi to see her on the way to SNL8 ironically.
But keep looking to God, there is lots of strength with God.
You are an awesome dude, hopefully we will meet again some day, but never, ever give up, and in that area you are a inspiration to us.
Roy R.
10 Jaime Goldberg // Sep 16, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Hon,
I’m so sorry I can’t be with you and I’m sorry for the loss… Just know that you have shown me how to be a much stronger women and that mama and our babies are going to be okay. Why does this crazy stuff always happen when your away.. Life has bad timing this time.
Love you,
11 Folusho Orokunle // Sep 19, 2009 at 1:42 pm
God Bless you and your family Ross. Although it may seem that sometimes life may be unfair, God will never give you more than you can bare.
Let me know if you need anything bud.
Peace.
12 Harris Fellman // Sep 20, 2009 at 11:13 pm
Hey Bro,
Sorry to hear about your pops. My aunt (allegedly) killed herself back in April.
My mom went through quite an interesting emotional roller coaster for the 2 or 3 months that followed.
It started off angry with a good does of apathy … then a bit of the ‘how could she do this to her kids’ … none of it really seemed real to her since she also didn’t attend the funeral (it was in Alaska).
But what I took away from it is that DEPRESSION IS A DISEASE.
Just like Cancer.
We non-suicidal people can not possibly understand how someone could take their own life. But they have a DISEASE OF THE BRAIN.
Something that caused them to think that it was their only way out. Then again, your dad’s case may be different. I know my dad has been in a lot of pain for the last year or so. He says he doesn’t think about killing himself - but who knows, right?
You get worn out of the fight at some point, too, I would think. The fight against pain … the fight against life. I dunno.
The way I see it - you’ll never know the answers. My guess is since he wasn’t exactly Prince Charming - you’re probably harboring some ‘good riddance’ feelings as well — and thus guilt over having those feelings.
I say ’screw it’. Your emotions are your emotions man. However you feel is how you feel. It’s way better to FEEL THE TRUTH than to keep it all pent up inside like many people will.
Wow - this got long. Anyway, you’ve got my number - text or call me if you’d like to talk, bro.
Peace,
Harris
PS My wife just filmed a segment for the Oprah Winfrey show. They found her through her blog and selected her. It’s pretty crazy. Give me a call I’ll tell you all about it. Love ya.
13 judy // Sep 21, 2009 at 11:19 am
Hey Ross,
So sorry to hear of your pain and loss. I gotta say that Harris really packed a lot in his note. What wisdom Harris!
We can’t know the kind of emotional pain it takes to go to this place… I had some of it when I was young and was suicidal, because of lots of emotional stuff and I believe some wacko chemistry that happens when we’re teenagers, but I was too chicken to do it, and finally found my way out.
If your dad had surgery and was already ‘dark’, then in pain in addition who knows what that did to his chemistry? Leaving you all may have seemed like the best idea he could come up with.
Remember too that we have no clue what’s on the other side. He may be having the best painfree party today, watching over you in joy… although I doubt that will help your feelings.
Feel how you feel, and keep fighting Ross. You are a great model for your kids and many others. And thanks for sharing this too, as I’m sure it will help someone as well.
Be well, be great!
Judy
14 Scott Ames // Sep 22, 2009 at 11:59 am
Wow…that is a lot to deal with. His pain is gone, but the pain of those around him remains.
I don’t even know how I would deal with that.
Everyone reacts differently to challenges. Some give up, some fight on. Some complain, some see the good in them.
Life is just a series of problems or challenges to solve. We can let them get us down, but not for too long hopefully. I never understood giving up totally and permanently.
You seem to be the strong one in your family and I’m sure you’ll be leaned on by others that are not so strong. Hopefully you can comfort them.
15 morten // Sep 25, 2009 at 3:34 am
I’m sorry for your loss. I have
My step-father battled against leukemia for four years, and the doctors gave him small odds for surviving after the kemo was failing, and he started to loose hope. But then they found a match, a kind soul from England (we live in Norway), who gave his bone-marrow.
This saved his life. We will never know who gave him the bone marrow (its annonymous), but you should never loose hope no matter what.
I have met twelve year old girls who have later died from cancer, but they never lost hope - and they never gave up.
16 Clay Franklin // Sep 30, 2009 at 12:37 am
Sorry for your loss Ross.
I lost my Dad when I was 6 to pneumonia, I was in alone visiting with him when he collapsed. Losing a family member is the worst thing.
Harris has a point about depression.
Really sorry you have to deal with this loss and the impact to your family.
On a brighter note, congratulations on your new position as a Stompernet Guru. You will get to help a lot of people.
17 Said BARCHIL // Sep 30, 2009 at 1:54 am
Hey Bro,
Sorry to hear about it. My condolences to you
I understand your feeling about it . Because I have lose someone recently
i just know you a month ago thought your seminars and articles and I’m fascinated about what I have learned from you and about your ideas and marketing knowledge but you know what i have learned in this post you just write is the best you can teach us about fighting for our life, family and ideas
please excuse my bad English
18 Clay Franklin // Oct 3, 2009 at 8:35 pm
Ross very sorry that your family has to go through this. I left a nice long comment last week but the spam filter must not have liked it. My thoughts are with you.
19 Kitsch // Oct 5, 2009 at 10:34 am
Ross,
I am sorry for your family’s loss. In spite of this you still choose to share your strength… & that is immortal. Your perseverance and indomitable spirit are a testimony of your character.
Regards,
Kitsch Remsky
20 Vickie // Nov 9, 2009 at 9:03 pm
I stubbled upon this blog post as I was working. Thank you for being brave enough to share your pain, your wisdom and your drive. Your right quiters never win and winners never quit.
God bless you and your father
Vickie
21 Greg // Nov 16, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Hi Ross,
I just want to say sorry about your stepdad. I actually came onto this site from your youtube video about affiliate marketing for blogger. i then noticed something on your squidoo lense about you being disabled in iraq war. then i found this. well all i can say is that I pray God answers you and that you and your family will have a peaceful Christmas and you and your loved ones are blessed to have a strong family member - you. Please try to speak to God again.He does answer , it takes time. My brother has been diagnosed with mental illness and now he is getting his confidence back but ive been his carer since 01 and God is faithful. Have a peaceful christmas. And thanks for the how to affiliate link - going back to watch it now. God bless,Greg.
22 Sandy White // Dec 1, 2009 at 8:00 am
Dear Ross, we’ve only just learned about your sad loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. I’ve lost both of my parents now, but not to suicide. That has to be very, very hard.
Please know that we will earnestly pray that the Lord will comfort your heart and give you some of the answers you are seeking.
I’ve known Him for a very long time and through the worst that life has tried to give me, He has been my strength and peace. I pray you will find that as well.
Please know that we are available at any time if you need to talk with us.
Lovingly, Sandy White
23 Col // Dec 24, 2009 at 2:39 am
Hey Ross,
Wow, right? It’s such a shock when things like this happen. One of my best friends killed herself years ago and I wanted so badly to have all of these questions answered. That was the strongest feeling for me … like the unanswered questions left some sort of a hole inside of me.
I mean, of course you know some of it … she had an illness too, like your stepdad … but even so, you just want to talk to them and ask them things. And you know you never will be able to do that … at least not in the near future
I’m guessing even if we could have our questions answered, the hole would still be there.
Thinking warm thoughts of you and your family.
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